Joke

STUD ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his
chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
"OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these
chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old
hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around
the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken
coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So,
just to be fair, I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster
takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and
the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster a nd gaining fast. The
farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees
the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he
can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to
bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

"Dammit.....third gay rooster I bought this month."



Moral of this story? ....



Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

will always overcome youth and arrogance!

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. ·

USA, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves,·

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,·

South Africa, in 10 minutes it caught 4000 thieves

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

candygirl wrote:

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. ·

USA, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves,·

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,·

South Africa, in 10 minutes it caught 4000 thieves

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

.

you made this one up yourself, i bet .

bruno wrote:

candygirl wrote:

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. ·

USA, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves,·

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,·

South Africa, in 10 minutes it caught 4000 thieves

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

.

you made this one up yourself, i bet .

hahaha..... no mehn

candygirl wrote:

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. ·

USA, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves,·

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,·

South Africa, in 10 minutes it caught 4000 thieves

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

Oga, na wa for you oh!!! You dey thief the Oyebo man machine?

u belleh stoppaye :)

candygirl wrote:

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. ·

USA, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves,·

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,·

South Africa, in 10 minutes it caught 4000 thieves

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

krazzy wrote:

u belleh stoppaye :)

candygirl wrote:

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test. ·

USA, in 30 minutes it caught 250 thieves,·

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,·

South Africa, in 10 minutes it caught 4000 thieves

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

this is old but still funny.......



The First speaker from England spoke: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself."
"After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.

The second speaker from America spoke: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his Laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Jamaica spoke: "Hafter las' year conference wen mi go ome an tell mi usband seh mi nah do nuh more cookin fi im nor cleanin nor shoppin, an dat im woulda haffi do dem imself.
Hafter di fus day mi nuh si nothin. Hafter di second day, mi still nuh si nothin neither. But hafter di third day, as the swelling go dung, me coulda si a likkle bit outta mi left eye

bruno wrote:

this is old but still funny.......



The First speaker from England spoke: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more Hafter di fus day mi nuh si nothin. Hafter di second day, mi still nuh si nothin neither. But hafter di third day, as the swelling go dung, me coulda si a likkle bit outta mi left eye

at least he aint lie. hahaha

singbe, tell them the one about the man and his wife at the dinning table... the one where he born baby

I don't care how the engineer can fix Hell, i don't want to go live in fire. Oh God please accept me into your Kingdom when i die...

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

singbe67 wrote:

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

candygirl wrote:

The Waiting Room This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Many of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, 'Hello, sir. Can you please tell me why you're here to see the doctor today?' 'There's something wrong with my dick,' he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.' 'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The receptionist replied, 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?' 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter.

That's why in America, they got HIPAA...............
If they violate your privacy smor sef da lawsuit

Everyone Got Their Business

A little girl living with a woman and her husband gets pregnant. After vigorous questioning, the girl confesses that the lady’s husband was responsible for the pregnancy. The woman decides to wait for her husband to return from work to confront him; meanwhile a friend of his is passing by and got the news so the guy is forewarned.

When the guy gets home from work, had his supper and his wife says to him
“Honey, Mary is pregnant.”
He says, “Oh, it is her business.”
Then the lady confused told him “oh, but she says she is pregnant for you.”
He again says, “Oh, that’s my business.”
The lady got so annoyed and she shouted, “Then I am packing and leaving.”

You know what he told her?

“Well, I guess that’s your business.”

singbe67 wrote:

Everyone Got Their Business

A little girl living with a woman and her husband gets pregnant. After vigorous questioning, the girl confesses that the lady’s husband was responsible for the pregnancy. The woman decides to wait for her husband to return from work to confront him; meanwhile a friend of his is passing by and got the news so the guy is forewarned.

When the guy gets home from work, had his supper and his wife says to him
“Honey, Mary is pregnant.”
He says, “Oh, it is her business.”
Then the lady confused told him “oh, but she says she is pregnant for you.”
He again says, “Oh, that’s my business.”
The lady got so annoyed and she shouted, “Then I am packing and leaving.”

You know what he told her?

“Well, I guess that’s your business.”

i love this joke

candygirl wrote:

singbe67 wrote:

Everyone Got Their Business

A little girl living with a woman and her husband gets pregnant. After vigorous questioning, the girl confesses that the lady’s husband was responsible for the pregnancy. The woman decides to wait for her husband to return from work to confront him; meanwhile a friend of his is passing by and got the news so the guy is forewarned.

When the guy gets home from work, had his supper and his wife says to him
“Honey, Mary is pregnant.”
He says, “Oh, it is her business.”
Then the lady confused told him “oh, but she says she is pregnant for you.”
He again says, “Oh, that’s my business.”
The lady got so annoyed and she shouted, “Then I am packing and leaving.”

You know what he told her?

“Well, I guess that’s your business.”

i love this joke

He should be ashame of himself.

hahah. but thats the shame that had him talkin that one there.

candygirl wrote:

hahah. but thats the shame that had him talkin that one there.

You mind him. Shameless man. That then can be crawling in their own house in the night. House Rat!!!

singbe67 wrote:

candygirl wrote:

hahah. but thats the shame that had him talkin that one there.

You mind him. Shameless man. That then can be crawling in their own house in the night. House Rat!!!

hahaha..

singbe67 wrote:

candygirl wrote:

hahah. but thats the shame that had him talkin that one there.

You mind him. Shameless man. That then can be crawling in their own house in the night. House Rat!!!

bor wai na. you gettin vex with your own joke ?

bruno wrote:

singbe67 wrote:

candygirl wrote:

hahah. but thats the shame that had him talkin that one there.

You mind him. Shameless man. That then can be crawling in their own house in the night. House Rat!!!

bor wai na. you gettin vex with your own joke ?

you check it HARD, he guilty someway..