Joke of the day

Subject: Joke of the day Tue Apr 22, 2008 5:56 am

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office...
But she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let
me have sex with you... The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor,
you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...
So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend say's, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.
He won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call.
Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened...?"
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,

"The bastard had all quarters!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Subject: Re: Joke of the day Tue Nov 11, 2008 8:53 pm

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
Joke of the day Elmo2

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
Joke of the day Mar

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
Joke of the day Elmo3

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles. Laughing

Subject: Re: Joke of the day Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:25 pm

Geyla Queen wrote:: 'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Subject: Re: Joke of the day Tue Nov 18, 2008 11:25 am

what a nice one...Alway know the detail of something before u get into it

Subject: Re: Joke of the day Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:26 am

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die.

Now, some people are really stupid!!!! This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you t hink God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: ' Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' ( Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax :

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery !'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet.[/size]

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