Joke

Improvements in Hell

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

candygirl wrote:

Improvements in Hell

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

In hell of course, that's where they belong.

haha.. so lawyers dem can lie ehn?

So much. They don't care whether you are right or wrong.

they lie for life

McNeal wrote:

they lie for life

Well said my brother.

Ok. This joke is from memory.



A man, his wife and mother in law traveled to the holy land-Israel. While there, the mother in law dies. The family was very sad. Anyway, they had to sort out matters at the funeral home; type of coffin, burial place, etc.

So the funeral director told the man, “listen, your mother in law was Jewish, so burying her here, in the holy land, will be far cheaper than flying her back home to the USA. In fact burying her here will only cost about a 1000 dollars. On the other hand, if you fly the body back, it’ll cost you 3000 and upwards.



The guy thought for about 5 seconds. He said "Yes, let’s send her to the USA. I’ll pay whatever it costs. The funeral directors asked, “but why you do you want to spend so much money when most of her family are already buried here”. “She would be at pace here”.



The guy said, "well, it’s like this…. A man died here about 2000 years ago…he rose after 3 days..."

"I cannot afford that to happen…..

hahahaha.. very funny Bruno. hahahaha

But I na tell your about Angel Gabriel?

You know he's always sitting in fromt of Heaven's gate asking people questions. So this day, he was showing no mercy. As you come, he will be asking you and at the same time looking in the computer at your past records. This girl was also on the line and it was like she was the 9th from Angel Gabriel's desk... but things were not looking so cordial. Angle Gabriel was just using his left hand the whole while.

He asked the 3rd person from the girl, after throwing the first batch into Hell,"When you were on Earth, what did you do that was very wrong?". He replied,"I used to cheat my business partner and lie about our financial report". Without much undo - he pointed to the left, to the left (Beyonce).
"Next", he exclaimed.... he lefted everybody till the girl came.

He asked he the same question and she explained. Knwoing fully well that that day was a day of no mercy, she decided to say the truth and nothing but the truth (TRC): "Me part, when I was on earth, I use to go on the lane. I will sit on my customers' 'thing' and rock them, from there...I will suck it suck it and blow it, then I will jump back on it and sit on it to rock it.."

Angel Gabriel intersecpted her explaination,"Hey, shut up!" He stood up with one hand in his pocket... Handed her a key and said, "Take this key and go in that small room behind there, I coming there later, but if you lying about this,,,I will send you straight to Hell".

hahaha..McNeal, you bad.. hahahahaa

bruno wrote:

Ok. This joke is from memory.



A man, his wife and mother in law traveled to the holy land-Israel. While there, the mother in law dies. The family was very sad. Anyway, they had to sort out matters at the funeral home; type of coffin, burial place, etc.

So the funeral director told the man, “listen, your mother in law was Jewish, so burying her here, in the holy land, will be far cheaper than flying her back home to the USA. In fact burying her here will only cost about a 1000 dollars. On the other hand, if you fly the body back, it’ll cost you 3000 and upwards.


The guy thought for about 5 seconds. He said "Yes, let’s send her to the USA. I’ll pay whatever it costs. The funeral directors asked, “but why you do you want to spend so much money when most of her family are already buried here”. “She would be at pace here”.



The guy said, "well, it’s like this…. A man died here about 2000 years ago…he rose after 3 days..."

"I cannot afford that to happen…..

hahahhaaaaaaaa, you can lie oh

McNeal wrote:

But I na tell your about Angel Gabriel?

You know he's always sitting in fromt of Heaven's gate asking people questions. So this day, he was showing no mercy. As you come, he will be asking you and at the same time looking in the computer at your past records. This girl was also on the line and it was like she was the 9th from Angel Gabriel's desk... but things were not looking so cordial. Angle Gabriel was just using his left hand the whole while.

He asked the 3rd person from the girl, after throwing the first batch into Hell,"When you were on Earth, what did you do that was very wrong?". He replied,"I used to cheat my business partner and lie about our financial report". Without much undo - he pointed to the left, to the left (Beyonce).
"Next", he exclaimed.... he lefted everybody till the girl came.

He asked he the same question and she explained. Knwoing fully well that that day was a day of no mercy, she decided to say the truth and nothing but the truth (TRC): "Me part, when I was on earth, I use to go on the lane. I will sit on my customers' 'thing' and rock them, from there...I will suck it suck it and blow it, then I will jump back on it and sit on it to rock it.."

Angel Gabriel intersecpted her explaination,"Hey, shut up!" He stood up with one hand in his pocket... Handed her a key and said, "Take this key and go in that small room behind there, I coming there later, but if you lying about this,,,I will send you straight to Hell".

thats a good one.

yor crazy dey thing she was doing da sin too? :

McNeal wrote:

But I na tell your about Angel Gabriel?

You know he's always sitting in fromt of Heaven's gate asking people questions. So this day, he was showing no mercy. As you come, he will be asking you and at the same time looking in the computer at your past records. This girl was also on the line and it was like she was the 9th from Angel Gabriel's desk... but things were not looking so cordial. Angle Gabriel was just using his left hand the whole while.

He asked the 3rd person from the girl, after throwing the first batch into Hell,"When you were on Earth, what did you do that was very wrong?". He replied,"I used to cheat my business partner and lie about our financial report". Without much undo - he pointed to the left, to the left (Beyonce).
"Next", he exclaimed.... he lefted everybody till the girl came.

He asked he the same question and she explained. Knwoing fully well that that day was a day of no mercy, she decided to say the truth and nothing but the truth (TRC): "Me part, when I was on earth, I use to go on the lane. I will sit on my customers' 'thing' and rock them, from there...I will suck it suck it and blow it, then I will jump back on it and sit on it to rock it.."

Angel Gabriel intersecpted her explaination,"Hey, shut up!" He stood up with one hand in his pocket... Handed her a key and said, "Take this key and go in that small room behind there, I coming there later, but if you lying about this,,,I will send you straight to Hell".

Liar!!!!

krazzy wrote:

yor crazy dey thing she was doing da sin too? :

ask Angel Gabriel

candygirl wrote:

haha.. so lawyers dem can lie ehn?

like HELL

Dumb Jocks



Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _______."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba.

"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

candygirl wrote:

Dumb Jocks

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

candygirl wrote:

Dumb Jocks



Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _______."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba.

"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

What the h..., tiny? Now Bubba is leaning on a broken stick. Blind lead the blind right?

candygirl wrote:

Dumb Jocks



Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _______."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba.

"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

Haven't heard this song for a long time .......... E-I-E-I-O
Old MacDonald had a farm .......... E-I-E-I-O
And on the farm he had some girls .......... E-I-E-I-O
And the girls had boys..... and boys had girls .......... E-I-E-I-O
And she she and he he and .......... E-I-E-I-O

with Boo here.. Boo here. everybody mooing booing.. Old mcDonald had a farm..

candygirl wrote:

with Boo here.. Boo here. everybody mooing booing.. Old mcDonald had a farm..

Let me add my own : ...EEEEEEEE....IIIIIIII...EEEEEEEEE....IIIIIIIIIIIII...OOOOOOOO

candygirl wrote:

with Boo here.. Boo here. everybody mooing booing.. Old mcDonald had a farm..

The two of you come on the other side, your don't be scare.. your come .. come meet me