Interesting read-American Wives in Africa (Liberia)

American Wives in Africa: Decades in a Strange Land
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LinkedinDiggFacebookMixxYahoo! BuzzPermalinkBy JAMES BROOKE
Published: June 24, 1987
LEAD: TWO decades have passed, but the memory is clear. At a civil rights march in Tuscaloosa, Ala., Arlene R. George heard an angry voice shout, ''Go back to Africa!''

TWO decades have passed, but the memory is clear. At a civil rights march in Tuscaloosa, Ala., Arlene R. George heard an angry voice shout, ''Go back to Africa!''

''Well, here I am,'' Ms. George said with a good-natured chuckle as she took a break in Arlene, her soul-food restaurant on Warren Street here.

In the 1950's and 1960's, as a wave of independence swept across Africa, many African men came to the United States to study. These foreigners -handsome, courteous and self-confident - caught the eyes of American women who were their classmates. In due course, bicultural couples set off to make their lives in Ghana, Nigeria, Kenya and other new nations of the continent.

For Ms. George and four other black American women who married Liberians, life in Africa has brought both joy and disappointment. The move had its pitfalls: Ms. George and one of the other women are now divorced. But the transition here was probably eased by the historically close ties that bind black America to this West African nation.

Liberia, settled by freed American slaves, largely from Alabama, Maryland, Mississippi and Virginia, became Africa's first independent republic in 1847.

The American women, all Southerners, said they knew none of this history when they were growing up.

''The only thing I knew about Liberia was Liberia Drive in Roberts Park, a Norfolk housing development,'' said one of the women, Linnie Kesselly, a native of Norfolk, Va. It was only after marrying Edward B. Kesselly, a young Liberian student of political science, that she learned that the development was named after Joseph Jenkins Roberts, Liberia's first president and a Norfolk native himself.

Lue Ann Kangar from Crystal Spring, Miss., sitting in the living room of her home as a fan pushed humid air around, reflected on how little she had known of Africa.

''You grow up with Tarzan movies - they just show bush and jungle,'' said Mrs. Kangar, whose husband is a missionary, ''They don't show the cities and supermarkets.''

Each of the women said she met her future husband while he was a college student in the United States. To a woman, they said that the Africans' manners impressed them.

''Stephen was more polite than the American boys,'' recalled Betty J. Carter, a native of Bryan, Tex., who is twice divorced from Liberian men. Her first husband was Stephen A. Tolbert, whose brother was Liberia's Vice President when the couple dated in the 1950's. ''It was more exciting -he was from a country where I had never been.''

But the women also recalled that their plans to marry Africans were not always greeted with enthusiasm by their families.

''My aunt got out a little book - it must have been published in 1914 -and read to me about the scorpions, the heat and how many people each year die of malaria,'' said Marva Cheappoo, a native of Buford, Ga..

The aunt also commented on her choice of husbands, Chea Cheappoo Sr. ''He'd be upstairs running water in a tub and she would whisper to me, 'He's used to bathing in lakes,' '' Mrs. Cheappoo recalled. Mr. Cheappoo, a lawyer, has served here as the Justice Minister and a senator.

Often the women had no illusions either. ''My husband kept asking me: 'Can you blow coals for a fire? Can you go to the creek and get water?' '' Mrs. Kesselly recalls. Today she laughs about it. In her 20 years in Liberia, Mrs. Kesselly has relied largely on a household staff as she served as director of Liberia's civil service and as president of the Liberian Red Cross.

These women of the Deep South found comforts in the somewhat familiar setting of West Africa and in the warmth of the African welcome.

''I'm used to palm trees, red dirt, unpaved roads, humidity, a small community,'' Mrs. Cheappoo said as she sat in the office of The Standard, a daily newspaper she edits.

Mrs. Kesselly recalled that after her arrival, ''Family friends came by with a big tray of food.''

''My father-in-law sat me down and traced the family tree back to the 16th century,'' she said.

The Americans soon learned that the African concepts of family and hospitality can be quite expansive.

''Americans are very conservative - when they see you are about to eat, they go home,'' Mrs. Kangar said. ''Africans would be very offended if you didn't invite them to stay for dinner. So I just learned to cook a little extra in case someone stops by.''

Ms. George, who was married to a Liberian diplomat, said she had been irritated by the loss of private hours with her husband. ''No matter how long I live here, I will never get used to people invading my privacy,'' she said.

Several of the women said they saw their husbands change on returning to Africa. ''You are just fooling yourself if you think it is going to be just like on the other side,'' Ms. George said.

''One morning I was cooking jollof rice,'' she said, referring to a Liberian dish. ''I said, 'Come on in and taste it.' He said, 'We're in Africa -men don't go into the kitchen.' ''

In many African societies, a powerful man is entitled to have affairs. The women who divorced their Liberian husbands, Ms. George and Ms. Carter, said they had refused to adjust to tradition.

The Americans also discovered that Africa can be the unstable place Mrs. Cheappoo's aunt warned about.

Ms. Carter's family lost almost all their businesses in 1980, when William R. Tolbert, the clan patriarch who was then Liberia's President, was murdered and disembowled by soldiers led by Master Sgt. Samuel K. Doe, now Liberia's President. While Ms. Carter makes a comfortable living running Monrovia's only garbage collection service, five of her six children have moved to the United States.

Mrs. Kesselly said her husband, an opposition candidate for the presidency in Liberia's 1985 elections, has been jailed five times by the Doe regime since 1980. Mrs. Cheappoo said her husband had been jailed twice since then and had left the country several times to avoid arrest.

''My 7-year-old daughter was born just after they told me that my husband was in jail and that they didn't know his fate,'' she said.

All the women said their lives were now in Africa and that they had no intention of moving back to the United States. Ms. Carter and Mrs. Kesselly are Liberian citizens.

When interviewed, the women were wearing the traditional African cotton-print wraparound attire.

Ms. George, who is expanding her restaurant to include a sidewalk cafe, is even considering a marriage proposal from a young Liberian police executive. With a twinkle in her eye, she described him as ''very serious-minded, very honest and a good man.''

Quite an interesting phenomenon.

Thanks for sharing this article. It was a very interesting read.

Interesting. I knew some of these women when I was growing up.

I saw Lennie Kesselly and she was a very pretty woman who served Liberian deligently at the Civil Service Agency...........

Wow...I almost missed this one. Very interesting. I'm an American wife with plenty stories. I knew Mrs. Kesselly also and lots of other American wives. I wish there was a link here to find the article. It appears to have been an email.

Found it!
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B0DEEDC1E31F937A15755C0A961948260
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B0DEEDC1E31F937A15755C0A961948260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=2

let me look for it.

i still searching :)

krazzy wrote:

let me look for it.

Thanks Krazzy. I found it.

To marry African man not no easy thing, no matter what nationality you are.

There was a certain professor on CUC. This professor ended up in big position on CUC.
He had a white woman wife. But one day a fine little Freetown girl showed up and was staying in the house they had on campus with them. The word was she was to be house girl. But the word also got out that this certain professor people dem sent the little girl as wife number two.

After bout 2 or three month, wife number one went back to America, never to be seen again.

u know ms. casher(sp). nica, to marry african man hard...even if u african woman. liberian men- u must learn their speed or else... after 11 yrs, i get my phd in my liberian man. aye na easy but worth it.

Interesting read indeed

krazzy wrote:

u know ms. casher(sp). nica, to marry african man hard...even if u african woman. liberian men- u must learn their speed or else... after 11 yrs, i get my phd in my liberian man. aye na easy but worth it.

I'm learing oh...BOY am I learning

:) u will get there. LIB men are gud people but their hay hard lek rock!

I dated one man from Sierra Leone. He was Muslim. Mehnnnnnn. I ain know what I was thinking. He was a musician so we had some commonality. But he ain have no problem telling me bout his wife (a white woman) and the wife his mother had waiting for him back home.

One day I touched the man Koran that was usually on the coffee table. He ain play to let me know what an ignorant woman I was for touching such a sacred item.

My pepo...why would you place an item you considered so sacred on the coffee table. I ain say I spill food on it. I jes touch it yah.

I already knew this was not going to be a serious relationship. The differences between a Christian and a Muslim are not easy to overcome in a union like marriage. And I said difficult, not impossible. But I mov fra dere straight.

foot help dey body...da u ignorant or dat him? lawd knows de trobowe see

krazzy wrote:

foot help dey body...da u ignorant or dat him? lawd knows de trobowe see

I tell you oh.

so u saw him again (with his koran)? so so nonsense. by that time u had not come on this end, right?

krazzy wrote:

:) u will get there. LIB men are gud people but their hay hard lek rock!

, and soon they na mess everything up...they want you to come and fix it

krazzy wrote:

so u saw him again (with his koran)? so so nonsense. by that time u had not come on this end, right?

lol... I met that man right here in America. Anyway, I look for it.

Nica wrote:

I dated one man from Sierra Leone. He was Muslim. Mehnnnnnn. I ain know what I was thinking. He was a musician so we had some commonality. But he ain have no problem telling me bout his wife (a white woman) and the wife his mother had waiting for him back home.

One day I touched the man Koran that was usually on the coffee table. He ain play to let me know what an ignorant woman I was for touching such a sacred item.

My pepo...why would you place an item you considered so sacred on the coffee table. I ain say I spill food on it. I jes touch it yah.

I already knew this was not going to be a serious relationship. The differences between a Christian and a Muslim are not easy to overcome in a union like marriage. And I said difficult, not impossible. But I mov fra dere straight.

[quote] to marry african man hard...even if u african woman. quote]

Nica wrote:

krazzy wrote:

let me look for it.

Thanks Krazzy. I found it.

To marry African man not no easy thing, no matter what nationality you are.

There was a certain professor on CUC. This professor ended up in big position on CUC.
He had a white woman wife. But one day a fine little Freetown girl showed up and was staying in the house they had on campus with them. The word was she was to be house girl. But the word also got out that this certain professor people dem sent the little girl as wife number two.

After bout 2 or three month, wife number one went back to America, never to be seen again.

wow.... but not surprising

[quote="candygirl"]

Quote :

to marry african man hard...even if u african woman. quote]

am i sure of what Rufus?

candygirl wrote:

am i sure of what Rufus?

"to marry african man hard...even if u african woma." So da weyting hard about marrying us good good African men