stress-LESS

Subject: stress-LESS Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:04 am

Why Cardinal Arinze lost
By Reuben Abati

The election of Joseph Ratzinger as the new Pope, with the title Benedict XVI was received among Nigerians, this week with some measure of concern. Their compatriot, Francis Cardinal Arinze had been widely tipped to emerge as the Pope after John Paul II If Arinze had been elected, he would have been the first black Pope since the 5th Century and the fourth African Pope in the history of the Catholic Church. By the weekend Nigerian newspapers were already celebrating ahead of the outcome of the election by the Cardinals. Stories were written about Cardinal Arinze's background and profile. His home-town of Eziowelle was featured in the publications and even his kinsmen were looking forward to their community producing a Pope for the rest of the world. [/size]

The Catholic Church of Nigeria did not engage in this game of speculation. But non-Catholics across Nigeria were excited and enthusiastic. Bets were placed; there were analyses of the likely positive implications of the emergence of a Nigerian Pope. But when the white smoke was released on Tuesday, and bells jingled all over Rome, and a new Pope was announced and he turned out to be a conservative, German intellectual, and former Dean of the Cardinals, Ratzinger, Nigerians were so disappointed. Their high hopes had been dashed. Their man did not make it. The Catholic Archbishop of Abuja Archdiocese, John Onaiyekan has since been quoted as saying that the choice of a new Pope is guided by the Holy Spirit. I have not heard too many Nigerians echoing the same sentiment. What they know for a fact is that Cardinal Arinze has lost a critical election. I have met people who are taking the matter personal. I was somewhere the other night, I don't want to say that we were quaffing beer and enjoying goat-head, when the matter came up. The consensus was that Nigeria has lost a golden opportunity to put the country on the Catholic map forever and gain substantial mileage in terms of image and influence.
One fellow, on his third bottle and second pot of nkwobi, was the one who set the ball rolling: "This thing pains me. I am not a Catholic, but it pains me. Imagine what the country would have gained if Cardinal Arinze had been made the Pope. He was so close to it, but we blew it. This is my problem with the Nigerian government. They don't know when to act smartly and swiftly", he said. Another fellow whose left hand had been playing silent piano on the thighs of the young lady that accompanied him, removed his left hand for a minute and drew attention with both hands to the fact that Cardinal Arinze was the bookmaker's favourite. He had been advertised as the top contender by the Western press. Foreign newspapers not only wrote special features about him; they gave the impression that it was Africa's turn. Arinze was also the CNN's candidate. They played him up. And the thing looked real. White smoke. Black Pope.
"But you see", the guy repeated, and rested his left hand once more on the lady's thighs, the moment the cardinals started issuing black smoke, the first time, the second time, I knew that they had started a plot against our man becoming Pope. The Western media also played games with us. They knew that Arinze was not going to make it. In fact by making him a Pope in the media, they ruined his chances. They set him up as a target of envy. I smell a conspiracy."
"Let's look at it this way, what did you expect the Nigerian government to do? This was a matter for the church", the only guy who was drinking soda water asked.
"Was it not an election?", someone volunteered. Then he answered his own question: "It was an election. I do not like the idea of a Nigerian losing such a critical election. We should have sent a team to the Vatican to assist Cardinal Arinze with logistics."
"A team how?"
"A team, yes. If you ask me I do not see anything that is different between the election of a Pope and any other election. We have the resources here. We have very gifted people. But Nigerians do not know how to use their own assets at critical moments."
"If you ask me, all that the Federal Government needed to do was to send Abel Guobadia, and two Godfathers to the Vatican, with the express mandate that they should fix the election for Cardinal Arinze".
"I actually understand that something like that was attempted."
"I don't know. But if I had my way I would have sent two persons to go and do the job."
"And who are those?"
"As if you don't know those who have the best talents in this matter. All we needed was a Mr. Fix It and a Godfather. By now, the result would have been in our favour. And this is not something government needed to make noise about. Every country has an obligation to protect its own interests."

Subject: Re: stress-LESS Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:05 am

"I keep insisting that a team was actually sent, but something went wrong."
"What went wrong?", three people asked simultaneously.
"These things are top secret you know", the fellow said. He paused and took a swig of beer. Then he continued. "I understand that the man that was sent to see the Cardinals made a mistake. He actually saw the Cardinals. But when he was asked to give them the name of his candidate, instead of writing Arinze, he mistakenly wrote Ratzinge."
"Illiterate"
"Stupid man"
"The fellow should be shot. Who is he?"
"I am reliably informed that the guy is very unhappy. His explanation is that the R is meant to stand for Cardinal Arinze's initial and that the Cardinals ought to have known that he could not have been promoting a German. They all saw his skin, after all."
"You have a point there. But R is not Cardinal Arinze's initial."
" I don't think the Nigerian government should allow the matter to go."
"Excuse me", said the lady whose thighs were being publicly massaged. "I think the Cardinals should be probed."
"You are talking about probe? Nigeria should insist that the election of the Pope should be annulled. Then a fresh election should be conducted."
"They must use option A4. This idea of Cardinals swearing to an oath of secrecy, I don't understand it. I have never trusted anything that is done in secret."
"Except that thing"
"What thing?"
"The three-letter ritual. I mean konko below."
"Below, belou, billlooo lo", someone said, sounding drunk.
"I don't even think that the secret oath is the problem. That is not a problem for us. It is the same thing as the Okija shrine thing. That is why I said the Federal Government messed up. They should have sent someone with Okija experience."
"But can Cardinal Arinze go to court? Is there an election petition tribunal at the Vatican?"
"If there is none, my opinion is that it should be created. We must let the Vatican realise that it cannot practise democracy half-heartedly. There must be transparency and due process."
"But world leaders have been hailing the election of the Pope."
"It is a conspiracy. They are all relieved that a black man did not get it. We have the largest population of blacks in the world, and the largest single population of Catholics in the black world. We have to speak up. We would like to inspect the ballot papers that the Cardinals used. Who acted as the INEC for the election? Who opposed Arinze's election so that we know how to handle the matter?"
"I agree that this is politics."
"I hope the Vatican knows that we are Nigerians and that we do not joke with elections. If they are not going to do anything, the Pope can be abducted for a start. He can be advised to resign in his own interest. Abducting the Pope cannot be a problem; we only need to ask the Inspector-General of Police to do his job."
"Kidnap the Pope? That sounds intriguing to me."
"It is not. Oya, let's go and get the Pope", the drunkard interjected
"Do you know that the new Pope does not even know how to wave to the crowd?"
"The man claps instead of waving."
"I trust Cardinal Arinze. A true African. Nna Francis. Waving to a crowd comes to him naturally. You don see am give Mass before? Hey Holy Mary."
"What are we talking about? Even the brother of Pope Benedict XVI says he doubts his ability."
"Nobody in Africa doubts Cardinal Arinze's ability."
"Who is even talking about ability? You don't need ability to be Pope. A Pope is a Pope. You get me? If Cardinal Arinze had been made Pope..."
"Yes?"
"Do you know the business opportunities that would be involved? I know a guy who had already made T-shirts, face caps, calendars and diaries with Cardinal Arinze's photographs. He was only waiting for the announcement and his agents would have hit the streets of Nigeria immediately selling those materials. I know this for a fact. The guy would have made a lot of money. Now, who is going to compensate him?"
"I hear the contract for the tarring of the road to Cardinal Arinze's village was awarded immediately CNN started promoting him. Contracts were also awarded for pipe borne water, and electricity, and the state government was thinking of declaring Arinze's village, a tourist centre."
"All that would have created job opportunities. Now, the people of Eziowelle would no longer enjoy those benefits"
"If Cardinal Arinze had been made Pope, we would have lobbied the Federal Government to declare a one-day holiday for celebration. I personally would have danced from my house to St. Leo's Church."
"President Obasanjo and his Ministers would have travelled to the Vatican specially to see the Pope."
"Travel? I would have recommended that the Pope should be given Nigeria's highest national honour. What is it again? GCFR. GCON."
"I would have named my next child after Cardinal Arinze."
"Even newspapers would have made a lot of money. People would place adverts in the papers. Persons who knew Cardinal Arinze when he was still in Nigeria, maybe they were baptized by him or confirmed by him, would have published those photographs. Is it easy to know a Pope personally? Now, nobody has that opportunity."
"Germany is always cheating us. They did the same thing at the Berlin Conference of 1884"
"1884"
"Whatever. Whenever."
"Can I say something?", the drunkard suddenly interjected. I had in fact thought that he had since dozed off, but obviously he was awake. "Can I say something?", he repeated. Everyone turned towards him.
"You know, I never for once thought that a black man would have been made Pope. The geopolitics does not favour it. You want President Bush to call a black man Holy Father? And I suspect something. If they had made a Nigerian, Pope, you people will use the man's name to do 419. The world would just wake up one morning and discover that some Nigerians have sold the Pope's residence...May the Lord forgive each and every one of you for your blasphemy tonight. And may the Blessed Mary bless you all. Do I hear somebody say Amen? "
Nobody said anything in response. It was getting late, so we started to leave.

Subject: Re: stress-LESS Thu Oct 16, 2008 6:18 pm

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