How Much Say/Influence/Power Should Parents Have Over a GROWN UP's Life

I know it's in alot of our collective cultures as Africans for parents to have alot of influence, but where do the boundaries lay? Should parents determine who their children marry, friends, how they raise their own children, or how they should manage their relationships? Should they know all the intimate details of their grown 25+ child's life?

Just curious...

It has it good side and flip side. It will have to depend on the culture of the family and how theu intend to bring up their child or children...

bellah wrote:

It has it good side and flip side. It will have to depend on the culture of the family and how theu intend to bring up their child or children...

Watching some of these Nigerian movies its like some parents feel they own the children like property.

It all depend on the GROWN UP botton line. I don't tell my parents shit. I have only introduced 4 men to my parents and that includes my fiancé now. I'm just private like that though.

Maybe if money is involved the parent(s) feel like the can "control" their childs life and usually the child may allows it in fear of not my getting the money.

I also think some single parents use their kids as a form of entertainment, because they don't have a life of their own... some maybe even try to life vocariously through their children since they failed to reach their dreams/potential.

I notice that mosly with single mothers and their sons...some of these old ma dem need to stop "DATING" their sons and find a man of their own. They guilt them into everything and the son feels bad because she's a single mother and took care of him...bla bla bla.

I don't know

Geyla Queen wrote:

It all depend on the GROWN UP botton line. I don't tell my parents shit. I have only introduced 4 men to my parents and that includes my fiancé now. I'm just private like that though.

Maybe if money is involved the parent(s) feel like the can "control" their childs life and usually the child may allows it in fear of not my getting the money.

I also think some single parents use their kids as a form of entertainment, because they don't have a life of their own... some maybe even try to life vocariously through their children since they failed to reach their dreams/potential.

I notice that mosly with single mothers and their sons...some of these old ma dem need to stop "DATING" their sons and find a man of their own. They guilt them into everything and the son feels bad because she's a single mother and took care of him...bla bla bla.

I don't know

I'm in agreement with you. Alot of parents, especially African parents can be too imposing and try to guilt trip their children into control of their life. I feel that's selfish. Alot of them love to pull the honor thy mother and father card as if that means total control over ones life. I'm also with you on the idea that maybe they dont have a life or dont[ want to think about their so the put all of their attention on their children and grandchildren

DSP wrote:

I know it's in alot of our collective cultures as Africans for parents to have alot of influence, but where do the boundaries lay? Should parents determine who their children marry, friends, how they raise their own children, or how they should manage their relationships? Should they know all the intimate details of their grown 25+ child's life?

Just curious...

well, i have a very close knit family and there are often times i have advises from elder famiy memebers who feel that i MUST take their advice or feel they have a right to meddle in things are arent really their business....
in cases liek these, i usualy listen to what they say, and say " i hear you oh, i will think about it" and promtply go and do just what i want....

they say "ok" cant spoil plawa.